Loneliest Time of Year

I read a Facebook Page post today that hit me hard.  It had to do about this time of year being the loneliest time of year (in predominantly Christian areas).  And that is so true.  Not so you say (if you agree with me, keep reading...I'll be addressing that further down)?  Well...

• Suppose your coworker cannot get home for the holidays this year.  Oh, they may have told you they were because they didn't want you to feel sorry for them.  But in reality they are sitting home alone today.  Possibly doing work.  Or heck, they might even go into the office for awhile.
• What about the little child who lost a parent this year?  Even with family around, trying to make up for that loss, do you really believe that kid isn't going to be feeling lonely?
• Or perhaps the homeless person.  They might not have any family to turn to, or maybe because of bridges they've burned don't feel they can go home.
• Nursing homes are full of truly alone people.
• People that are not Christian are excluded from everything, including businesses shutting down, as their belief is not respected by their 'friends' or local businesses. 
• It can be a position you've mentally put yourself in.  Maybe you're dealing with some emotional issues, and especially if you're female hormones can be making those issues even larger than they are.  It doesn't matter...in your head they are just as real as those situations mentioned above.

There are so many other examples, just look around.  Your cheerful "Merry Christmas" can in reality make a person feel even more alone.  In fact, can make them very Scrooge-like (I'm speaking from experience here).

So you're one of the ones that agree with me?  That this can be the loneliest time of year?  I was feeling very sorry for myself when it finally dawned on me (after taking it out badly on someone I deeply love that, for whatever reason, is not sharing the holidays with me  - sorry about that love), that is EXACTLY what I was doing!! 

I was allowing myself to feel sorry for myself.  Say what?  Once I read that posting, I realized how pathetic I was being.  True, in my case new hormonal changes (that I haven't had an opportunity to adjust to yet) were making the situation worse.  But in reality, how bad was the situation really?  I came to the conclusion it doesn't matter 'why' I feel lonely.  Each person's situation is different, some more 'real' than others. 

Now what?  What can I do about it?  I'm alone, right?  Nope, there are a lot of things I can do about it. 

1. An attitude adjustment on my part.  I might be alone, but that doesn't mean I have to feel lonely and sorry for myself.  I have many positives in my life.  As many people have larger obstacles to overcome than I do (and they do a much better job of it than I have been doing), mine is really trivial.  I need to focus on the positives.
2. Focus on taking action.  This year I'm writing this blog (lol).  Next year I plan on preparing activities to keep busy (which I should have done this year, but I won't beat myself up over that now).  Some ideas I have are trying to get ahold of others that will be alone and host a caroling party and go to nursing homes.  Have a sledding party.  Volunteer at a homeless shelter.  Or animal shelter (talk about being alone).  Do you have any homebound neighbors?  Or neighbors not able to get home?  What about someone struggling to make ends meet?  Be a Secret Santa.  Write letters to servicepeople over seas.  Take your pets for a walk and play with them.  Not taking action just makes one feel worse.  And there are tons of things you can do. Which could make for a happier holiday season for someone else that needs it.
3. Take care of yourself.  While this one seems obvious, it's not.  It can be as minor as making sure you drink enough water.  For me, in addition to that, I need to exercise (aerobic as well as strength training), yoga, eat nutritionally, meditate, journal (especially good for writing down your feelings about what you're going through), take any medicine you're supposed to be taking (in my case, my asthma medicine), and take daily vitamin supplements.  You should get the idea by now.  Taking care of yourself does not include sleeping until all hours, letting depression get the best of you.  You want to make sure you get enough sleep, but not too much.
4. Forgiveness/love.  Forgive others for not doing what you want them to do.  Instead, love and accept them just they way they are.  Try not to manipulate them (watch out for doing that subconsciously).  Truly forgive the trespass you imagine they have done.  Remember, they are on their own path, not the one you want them to take.  If you really love them, stop being selfish. 
5. Avoidance.  Yes, avoidance.  Avoid that which brings you down, when possible.  That can be certain types of movies (for example, all these movies where one shows their love for another by walking through fire - so to speak - just to be with the one they love.  Come on, that's not reality folks and just sets unrealistic expectations), talking to certain people (even though sometimes that is what you need to do), or even what you ingest (junk food and/or alcohol.  Many people resort to alcohol when they are afraid or lonely, which only makes it worse.  Much better to find other ways to cope).
6. Accept/ask.  Many times we're invited to something but, as we're feeling sorry for ourselves (or depressed) we decline.  Or maybe there are other people we could be asking to get together but we don't, for the same reason.  Push yourself and either accept that invitation or ask those people.  You could be making their day better for it.
7. Make a Plan.  If you know you're going to be alone, make a plan ahead of time so you do not allow yourself to get lonely in the first plan.  Schedule parties, look for the volunteer opportunities.  Do not wait until loneliness hits...then it might be too late to find something.

Yes, this can be the loneliest time of year...if you let it be.  Let's make this time of year the best time of year  - for ourselves and for others!  Focus on more than yourself and try to help others get through this lonely time.  Who knows, our actions just might save a life also.

If you have any suggestions and ideas, please share them!

Let There Be Peace On Earth

This is the time of year many people around the world become aware they should be treating others well.  Why does it require a religious holiday to be considerate and giving to others?  That homeless person is there year round.  Children are hungry all the time.  The elderly are being forgotten and neglected throughout their final years.  It shouldn't matter where people live. 

People tend to forget we are ALL brothers and sisters, no matter what country we are from.  God does not care where his children live...all are his children.  I have heard people say they will only help those 'at home'.  While I can appreciate this sentiment, many in other countries need it more than those 'at home'.  What is considered poverty, in America for example, is considered rich in another country.  Let us not focus on taking care of just those near us.  Let us focus on taking care of those that need it the most, no matter where they live.

I heard this song on the radio and just had to go find it to post on my Facebook page.  I found this version, sung by Vince Gill, that was put together with quotes showing on the screen.  It reflects my beliefs perfectly and inspired me to write about it here.  Now if we can all just keep this in mind all year long, we might actually have peace on earth.   

Let There Be Peace On Earth, sung by Vince Gill

Have a very merry holiday season, if you are celebrating a holiday at this time of year.  And if you're not, have a very merry winter/summer (depending on where you are). 

Love and Peace to you All!

Sidetracked Again

Once again I've allowed life to sidetrack me from my journey.  But then again, was I really sidetracked?  All experiences are lessons on our spiritual path.  They just may not be that obvious.  And really, getting sidetracked is, in itself, a lesson. 

I've been having a lot of fun since I last posted.  My social life has become very, very busy!  So busy, I've forgotten to consciously work on my spirituality.  I did try getting on here one day, but my mind went blank.  Which is one reason I'm rambling right now.  I'm just trying to get back in the swing of things.  One of the best ways to beat writer's block is to just start writing, whatever it may be.

I've been fortunate in the fact that love has come into my life.  Funny, I always had love in my life so why do we state it that way when 'romantic' love comes into our life?  Even without 'romantic' love, we have love in our life (at least, if we want it).  There's the love from our friends and family.  And in my case, of my pets.  There's nature's love.  Yes, nature loves us even while we treat it badly.  And whatever your spiritual belief, that spiritual belief loves us. 

Anyway, I allowed the entrance of this romantic love to sidetrack me (pleasantly, I must add).  And it's given me lessons on my spiritual path. 

• First, I'm learning I need to stay focused on my spiritual path, as well as my other activities  - stay true to who I am and want to be. 
• Second, I'm learning that we all bring baggage into a relationship and that I need to be careful about the baggage I bring in.  I have insecurities about trusting someone can love me for who I am.  This wonderful guy has been helping me learn that someone CAN love me for who I am. 
• Third, I've been given an opportunity to put into practice my beliefs.  They haven't really been tested much since I started on this journey.  There are some unusual circumstances around this relationship and I've been given the opportunity to accept how things can be different from what our normal expectations are.

I'm going to make a more conscious effort to stay true to my spiritual path.  Make sure I take time each day to work on it.  Yes, as usual I've been lax on many things, including the all-important meditation (not to mention I haven't been taking care of the physical body either).  So we'll see how well I do until next time.

Peace and love to all of you.  For those of you who have religious holidays around this time, happy _________ (whatever fits your religion)!

Truth

I went for a walk today.  I gazed up at the wonderous sky with the white clouds dancing in the beautiful blue sky.  I felt the warmth of the glowing sun upon my skin, the air caressing my skin as the wind brushed negative energies away, smelled the sweet scent of grass, heard the rustling of the leaves and the chirping of the birds.  I put my hand on the trunk of a tree and felt its beating heart, and was excited when my palm was kissed by a pine tree.  I felt such love as I have ever known.  And I realized…this is truth.

Reactions to Osama Bin Laden's Death

When I first heard the news of Osama Bin Laden's death, I was sad.  Do not get me wrong...I was NOT supportive of him or what he did, and yes...he needed to be stopped and held accountable.  However, I believe we are all connected...all children of God, if you will.  And that included him.

And then I couldn't believe what I was reading...people were celebrating his death.  I do not mean the normal celebration of defeating someone, but extreme jubilation...from individuals who claim to belong to a peace-loving religion.  Excuse me?  You say you're peace-loving then turn around and celebrate a death?  How is celebrating the killing of someone peace-loving?  I do understand the premise behind his death is to reduce terrorism (if it will) and to hold him accountable, but peace-loving people should be sad for him...sad for whatever the circumstances were in his life which led him to become the way he did and that no one was able to help him see killing was evil, no matter what the provocation.

And if people just cannot bring themselves to be sad for him personally, what about the people who loved him?  Just because he did what he did doesn't mean they agreed (anyone out there love someone with any kind of addiction?  Should you be to blame for their behavior? It is no ones fault but the person doing the behavior).  And what about his children that are too young to realize what their dad did?  Shouldn't you be sad for their bewilderment?  How their hearts are breaking?  It doesn't matter if you feel they will be better off in the future, what about their pain right now?

Religious leaders and other religious individuals have been issuing many statements and articles today about the reaction to Bin Laden's death.  It is pretty much a concensus...no matter what the major religion, they do not support the jubilation and celebrating that has been occurring over his death - those behaviors do not reflect and are against their religions. 

Here are a few of the articles, if you'd like to see for yourself what is being said:

• A Buddhist response to the killing of Osama bin Laden and the response to that event
• A Christian response to the killing of Osama bin Laden and the response to that event
• Another Christian perspective on revenge -- from John Dear, who was the priest coordinator of the chaplains who worked at Ground Zero after 9/11. He knows firsthand about grief and also about nonviolence
• A Jewish response to the killing of Osama bin Laden and the reaction to that event
• Another Christian response

I will add to this as I come across them (many of these were posted by the Facebook page Spirituality & Practice).

There is no winning on this one, especially by force from either side (see last post, the quote by Martin Luther King, Jr).  There should be no rejoicing in any living beings death. 

Peace to all...

I Mourn The Loss of Thousands...

"I mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but I will not rejoice in the death of one, not even an enemy. Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that." - - Martin Luther King, Jr.

Emergency Stress Kit

I got caught up in life recently...my apologies for not posting something sooner.

I have put together two things...one is my emergency stress kit, one is my prevention plan.  In my emergency stress kit are:

• First and foremost, make sure I am spiritually connected.  Have I been meditating and staying connected with my higher power?  This is the most important one, the rest are tools my higher power provided me.
• Comedy television shows and movies!  When I'm having problems, I need the laughter...it's one of the best forms of stress relief.
• If I am having trouble sleeping due to stress or anxiety, I like Sleepytime Extra.  About the time I am half way through the cup, I can hardly keep my eyes open (I make sure I'm in bed prior to drinking it).  I found the regular Sleepytime does not do quite the job as Sleepytime Extra.  If I am at work, or do not want to do to sleep, I use Tension Tamer.
• Physical exercise!!  This is a must to wear off that energy that is built up!!  Many studies show aerobic exercise is the best, however for me I find that using my muscles works best.  So I clean, rearrange my furniture, etc.
• Yoga/Meditation - or any form of relaxation technique (I've just discovered Qi-Gong and love it).  These relaxation techniques help calm the mind.
• Vitamin B supplement.
• Try to eliminate all caffeine and sugar! The system does not need that when you are trying to calm down.
• I have to admit, I have a teddy bear I sleep with when it's really bad.  It's comforting.
• I have CD's that help reduce stress.  Some have soothing music, such as Enya, Yanni, Kenny G, or are made just for the purpose of reducing stress (found in the book stores), others are affirmation CDs.
• List reasons I am grateful...blue sky, flowers, a pet snuggling with me, the smell of rain on the ground, a child's laughter, hot running water for a shower...the list can go on indefinitely.
• Go to the Do As One site.  This site focuses on breathing (or laughter in one 'room').  I really like this site as there are various length timers, including one for only two minutes.  This is a great resource to use when I don't have much time, such as when I'm at work.
• DRINK LOTS OF WATER!!!
• JOURNAL!!!

This is my stress management kit...so if I can't find my document on my computer, at least I can always come back here!  Next I will be talking about my prevention plan, which will be very similar to the above...

Have a peaceful day everyone!

Anxiety Bloomed Again

Last evening an event happened that reminded me to focus on anxiety prevention.  Recently I became lax on doing what I am supposed to be doing.  One of my beloved cats, Chloe, got out of the yard.  Now realistically, Chloe knew how to get back home.  She used to be a neighbor's cat that kept getting out of his house and coming to mine (he eventually told me to keep her).  So I KNEW she would come back...however anxiety took over.  I thought about all the posters and Lost ads I've seen over the years, and the stories I've heard people tell about how their pet never returned.  And hey, there are cars out there that could hit her...and cruel kids that think it's funny to torture animals, not to mention dogs that attack cats.  My anxiety skyrocketed!

In the past I put together a "Stress Management Emergency Kit" for times such as these.  However, life had been going so well in the last year or so that I forgot all about it.  Then when I did remember, I couldn't remember anything in it, nor the list of what it contained.  This morning I hop onto the computer to redo my kit, as well as put together an official anxiety prevention plan.  Before I started, I search my computer just in case my kit list was there...and of course it was!  In plain site, top level of My Documents.  I shook my head at myself.

So right now I'm developing my anxiety prevention plan, as well as updating my Stress Management Emergency Kit.  I believe in the Mind~Body~Soul connection, so I want to make sure all these areas are covered in my plan and kit.  I'll post my anxiety prevention plan next...need to go finish it...stay tuned...then after that will be my Stress Management Emergency Kit. 

In the meantime, remember to breathe!!

Be As You Want To Be, Live As You Want To Live

Have you ever said to yourself, "someday I'll lose weight," or maybe "someday I'll travel," or "someday I'll _______"?  Fill in the blank with whatever you've said you'll do 'someday'.

For me, 'someday' was/is I'll lose weight, go dancing, have a clean house, etc etc etc.  Years ago I was thinking these types of things...I wanted to be a nicer, more caring and considerate person...'someday'.  I wanted to get into meditation...'someday'.  I wanted to not be afraid to be who I really am around other people...'someday'.  Heck, I wanted to have a cat enclosure...'someday'. 

I had read plenty of motivational books over the years, and they all talked about how you need to start doing things...take that first step.  And while I understood that intellectualling, it still didn't sink into this brain of mine.  And then one day it really dawned on me.  'someday' will never come - it will always stay in the future.  If I want to be a certain way (i.e. more confident, self-assured, etc) or do something (have that cat enclosure, meditate, etc)...I need to start doing it NOW!!   If I don't start doing it now, someday will never come!  Same with losing weight...if I want to be a healthy weight, it has to start now. 

So I built a cat enclosure.  I'd never used the tools before and had NO idea of how to go about making one.  Part of what I had to do was make a box type thing to set into one small area.  I worked diligently on it.  As soon as I was done with the frame, I stood back to look proudly on what I made...and started laughing instead.  It wobbled horribly!  So, I undid it all and redid it.  This time it worked out (I learned from my previous one on how to do it).

I started meditating.  I have audio tapes that help me with visualization meditations, which are the type that I like best at this point in my life.  When possible, I try to get into nature - spend the day in the yard - as that is a form of meditation for me. I learned how to breath, which has helped me greatly when my anxiety kicks in.

I got a new job I LOVE!!  It was very scary to go for it but I am SO glad I did!  It has positively changed my life so much and in so many ways.  Leaving the 'known' was very difficult for me, however my last job wasn't the life I wanted to live.  I had to carry around a courage talisman with me all the time to help remind me to have the courage to go for it. 

Specially as I age, I want to be healthy.  As I am overweight and out of shape, focusing on this became a priority.  So I started working out and joined Weight Watchers ('someday' I wanted to eat more nutritionally).  This is still in the beginning stages, however I'm already feeling better physically.

I find the main difficulty with being the way I want to be and living the way I want to live is maintaining the attitude. I've been conditioned for so long to be the other way.  Being as I want to be and living as I want to live doesn't happen overnight.  But like any program, I just have to take it a day at a time.

So as if this moment, BE the way you want to be, LIVE the way you want to live.  If you don't do it now, someday will never come.

Life's Perspective

I have a high school reunion coming up.  As I was contemplating whether I wanted to attend or not (I have gained a lot of weight, I am still single, and I have no kids) and feeling...well, basically sorry for myself, a friend shared this video on facebook.  It made me pause and consider what the truly important things in life are. I thought I'd share.

Strength from Trials

My life had been a fairly easy one, even though my parents divorced when I was young.  I was fortunate in that my parents worked hard to remain friends.  I have been very grateful to them for that. 

In 1999, it seemed like the ‘powers that be’ took a look at my life and decided I was WAY behind on the trials we all have in life - and they decided to catch me up on them.  For nine years, my life was lived in what I call a ‘black hole’.  Hit after hit came, giving me no time to recover before the next one hit.  During that time I remember reading about how trials make us stronger.  And I vehemently disagreed with that statement.  I felt weaker, not stronger – they were crazy and didn’t know what they were talking about!

I had major anxiety issues from all the stress that was going on in my life.  I had no 'tools' to deal with what was happening.  My mental state...well, while my family has always considered me odd, was now also on shaky ground.  I couldn't take it any more...I had to find a way to deal with this.  I did a lot of researching anxiety.  This introduced me to many tools and resources to help me.  And each thing I learned led me to another one, which eventually led me to my spiritual journey I am currently on.

Three years ago these major events culminated with the death of my eldest nephew.  As sad as I am, I have to be grateful to him - he gave me a last gift in his passing.  It was through that whole ordeal that I recognized that I had become stronger.  The saying was true, we do become stronger through our trials.  I now view it as similar to strengthening our muscles.  We have to be pushed to the point of being a little weaker, in order for the muscles to build and become stronger.

If you’re in a ‘black hole’, believing you’re weaker and will never be strong(er) again, just have faith.  It just takes a little time, but you will come out on the other side stronger. Trust me, I’ve been there. 

Thich Nhat Hanh's Message to the Next Generation — Feather Wisdom

A thought provoking speech by Thich Nhat Hanh, talking about how our generation has borrowed from our children and grandchildren - that this planet belongs to them.  He mentions how we've damaged our earth and borrowed too much from the planet.  He feels the people need to wait up as soon as possible and take responsibility - and it can't be done individually, it needs to be done as a group - a 'collective awakening'.

Hanh also mentions how we always want more (we're never satisfied, basically - not news to me).  Even when we get our needs met (shelter, food, heat, clothing, transportation) we still feel it's not enough.  That even people with butler's and/or fame 'suffer'. 

We need something more than things...we need love and understanding.  Peace.  I love how he says we cannot get these things - the things we're hungry for - from a super market. Check it out and see what thought's you come up with. 

Since When is Doing the Right Thing a Random Act of Kindness??

A little bit ago, I was waiting for an elevator.  I saw a lady with her hands full walking towards the elevator.  As the elevator doors opened, I asked her if she was coming to the elevator.  She responsed affirmatively, so I held the elevator for her.

She was very surprised I did that and thanked me. When I appeared puzzled, she said most people would not have done so.  I WAS very puzzled, as I only did what was courtesy and the right thing to do.  It never crossed my mind NOT to do so.

It's sad when doing the "right thing" is considered a random act of kindness.  Let's get these type of gestures back to being the normal thing to do!

My Soul is Feasting

The Winter Feast for the Soul started yesterday.  I have to admit, I forgot about it until last night after I went to bed.  So today I'm getting caught up.  I'm checking out some of the meditations that have been posted on their website.   I really enjoyed the Oneness Meditations, as I believe in all things being connected and one.  However, there are so many other ones available to explore!

One of the aspects I especially like about this event is that it involves individuals around the world from all religions and spirituality beliefs together.  I personally do not belong to any specific religion or spiritual faith.  As I've explored my spiritual path, I've discovered that all the religions and spiritual beliefs have so much in common.  With each of them, I find so many aspects I like that I decided I do not belong to any one (similiar in that aspect to the Bahai' Faith).  So for me, this event is especially beneficial.  I wish more individuals could see - and focus on - the similiarities between all the beliefs instead of the differences.  Then we could have peace.

Winter Feast for the Soul

This January 15 - February 23, 2011 the Winter Feast for the Soul will be held.  I just learned about this event myself from a cousin.  I went to their website to learn more about it.  According to their website, their Longer-term Vision is “We hold a vision that includes all spiritual traditions and organizations in a synchronized schedule for their winter practice periods. Through this collaboration we will all become part of a shared dream for a new consciousness and peace on our planet.”

As I read the above, I wondered what the heck did this mean?  So I dug a little more into their website.  According to their website, for 40 days each participant will “set aside 40 minutes each day to still and focus the mind and to dedicate that time to communion with Spirit.”

This event is not restricted to meditation.  While many will use meditation, contemplative prayer, reading sacred texts, yoga, journaling or expressive arts are other forms that the participants will use. 

Some history - this event started in 2008 with 150 people and has grown to over 20,000 in three years with participants from over 29 countries.  It was inspired by the following poem:

“What nine months does for the embryo
Forty early mornings
Will do for your growing awareness.”

~  Jelaluddin Rumi

I’m still learning more about the event and will share with you as I do.  It sounds like it should be very interesting and I signed up to participate.

I believe this is my last blog for my class requirements.  Please continue checking back for future blogs as this is just the beginning.  I will delve more into so many aspects of my spiritual path that I am on.  It’s exciting to discover my path and I can’t wait to see what’s around the corner.

Why Meditate?

Meditation is one of the best things you can do for yourself.  While I knew it helps calm the mind, I just learned it also helps reverse the aging process and for losing weight!  Deepak Chopra was on Dr Oz this week discussing these topics and more. 

Your thoughts greatly affect your health.  It contributes to cancer, aging, heart disease and more.  Dr Oz asked Deepak Chopra to share one thing people could do right now that would help improve their life.  Chopra replied, “Close your eyes, watch your breath for about five minutes, put your attention on your heart, and ask yourself who am I, what do I want, what’s my purpose. You do not need to know the answers, live the questions, and life will move you into the answers.”

Chopra also discussed how managing stress is very important for our health, as stress affects everything (including addictive behavior stress) which leads to heart disease, cancer, etc.  For managing stress, he say we should breathe (he has a special technique he walks you through on the show), pay attention to our diet (favor fresh foods, avoid ‘dead’ foods, the 6 tastes of life and the 7 colors of the rainbow), get a restful sleep (which he addresses more in-depth), and nutritional complements which we usually call supplements.

Dr Oz asked Chopra what our biggest mistake is and Chopra replied, “Biggest mistake is that people think there is a pill or magic bullet that will resolve all their problems. Healing comes from within.”