Springtime...I want to make changes!!

Spring is a time of year when I get energized.  I want to do stuff.  I want to make changes in my life. 

This time around I have a couple different things happening.  First, due to hormonal changes, I’m refocusing back on my stress management/spirituality.  The mood swing portion of menopause has finally hit.

Second, I have decided to work on my Plan B’s.  I was recently asked, “What are Plan B’s?”  Plan B’s are other options of what to do in life.  I was in a job where I felt trapped and fear kept me there.  Why was I afraid?  Because I didn’t feel I could leave my job.  Why?

I didn’t have confidence in myself and abilities.  I didn’t have job interview skills and with the stress in my life I felt beaten down.

1. I had no networks to tap into because my job and life events had kept me separated from society. 
2. I had no other options for work.  If I was let go from my job because of demand in that field, it would be difficult to find another job in that field. 
3. I had no savings built up.  When things at work got so bad I would have liked to walk off (which I do NOT like to do and have never done), I couldn’t because I had no money to support myself.

So Plan B’s are saving enough money to support myself, having other career options, and having a social network to tap into for networking.  Since I started at my new job (which I love and I still don’t know how I got it – and am eternally grateful I did), I have been enjoying it and not really focusing on Plan B’s.  However, even without focusing on it I have completed my Bachelor’s degree (YEA!!!  It only took me 28 years).  I now need to focus on implementing things in that field. 

 So what am I going to do now?

1)      Along with having a job I love, which is giving me opportunities to grow, earning my Bachelor’s degree has given me a confidence in myself that I didn’t have before.  Professors have been highly encouraging me to go for a Master’s and Ph.D.  I have decided to pursue my Master’s in Gerontology and I am contemplating the PhD.

2)       I am refocusing on stress management techniques to help manage the stress.

3)      I need to network.  I hate this one as it seems so contrived.  I like to meet people for the sake of meeting people, not for ulterior motives.  So I’m just going to have to get involved with activities I want to be involved with, and whoever I meet, I meet.

4)      I am working on other options.  With my Bachelor’s now earned, I have that field open to me.  As it is Journalism with an emphasis in PR, I am going to start doing freelancing work.  I would like to see if I can write magazine articles.  Writing this blog will give me hands-on writing experience.  Along with this, I am working on a Management/Marketing certificate/degree from the community college, as well as taking a class a semester at the university – hopefully for the Master’s program.

5)      I will be following a budget, making sure to put money aside each month.  I need to set mini-goals.

6)      Coworkers suggested I contract myself for various jobs involving the computer, such as PowerPoint presentations, formatting of documents, editing, etc.  I will be making up business cards to give out.

 There are plenty of others things I need to be doing, but I have to be careful as I tend to get so excited I take on too much at once.  Let’s see how this goes!

Loneliest Time of Year

I read a Facebook Page post today that hit me hard.  It had to do about this time of year being the loneliest time of year (in predominantly Christian areas).  And that is so true.  Not so you say (if you agree with me, keep reading...I'll be addressing that further down)?  Well...

• Suppose your coworker cannot get home for the holidays this year.  Oh, they may have told you they were because they didn't want you to feel sorry for them.  But in reality they are sitting home alone today.  Possibly doing work.  Or heck, they might even go into the office for awhile.
• What about the little child who lost a parent this year?  Even with family around, trying to make up for that loss, do you really believe that kid isn't going to be feeling lonely?
• Or perhaps the homeless person.  They might not have any family to turn to, or maybe because of bridges they've burned don't feel they can go home.
• Nursing homes are full of truly alone people.
• People that are not Christian are excluded from everything, including businesses shutting down, as their belief is not respected by their 'friends' or local businesses. 
• It can be a position you've mentally put yourself in.  Maybe you're dealing with some emotional issues, and especially if you're female hormones can be making those issues even larger than they are.  It doesn't matter...in your head they are just as real as those situations mentioned above.

There are so many other examples, just look around.  Your cheerful "Merry Christmas" can in reality make a person feel even more alone.  In fact, can make them very Scrooge-like (I'm speaking from experience here).

So you're one of the ones that agree with me?  That this can be the loneliest time of year?  I was feeling very sorry for myself when it finally dawned on me (after taking it out badly on someone I deeply love that, for whatever reason, is not sharing the holidays with me  - sorry about that love), that is EXACTLY what I was doing!! 

I was allowing myself to feel sorry for myself.  Say what?  Once I read that posting, I realized how pathetic I was being.  True, in my case new hormonal changes (that I haven't had an opportunity to adjust to yet) were making the situation worse.  But in reality, how bad was the situation really?  I came to the conclusion it doesn't matter 'why' I feel lonely.  Each person's situation is different, some more 'real' than others. 

Now what?  What can I do about it?  I'm alone, right?  Nope, there are a lot of things I can do about it. 

1. An attitude adjustment on my part.  I might be alone, but that doesn't mean I have to feel lonely and sorry for myself.  I have many positives in my life.  As many people have larger obstacles to overcome than I do (and they do a much better job of it than I have been doing), mine is really trivial.  I need to focus on the positives.
2. Focus on taking action.  This year I'm writing this blog (lol).  Next year I plan on preparing activities to keep busy (which I should have done this year, but I won't beat myself up over that now).  Some ideas I have are trying to get ahold of others that will be alone and host a caroling party and go to nursing homes.  Have a sledding party.  Volunteer at a homeless shelter.  Or animal shelter (talk about being alone).  Do you have any homebound neighbors?  Or neighbors not able to get home?  What about someone struggling to make ends meet?  Be a Secret Santa.  Write letters to servicepeople over seas.  Take your pets for a walk and play with them.  Not taking action just makes one feel worse.  And there are tons of things you can do. Which could make for a happier holiday season for someone else that needs it.
3. Take care of yourself.  While this one seems obvious, it's not.  It can be as minor as making sure you drink enough water.  For me, in addition to that, I need to exercise (aerobic as well as strength training), yoga, eat nutritionally, meditate, journal (especially good for writing down your feelings about what you're going through), take any medicine you're supposed to be taking (in my case, my asthma medicine), and take daily vitamin supplements.  You should get the idea by now.  Taking care of yourself does not include sleeping until all hours, letting depression get the best of you.  You want to make sure you get enough sleep, but not too much.
4. Forgiveness/love.  Forgive others for not doing what you want them to do.  Instead, love and accept them just they way they are.  Try not to manipulate them (watch out for doing that subconsciously).  Truly forgive the trespass you imagine they have done.  Remember, they are on their own path, not the one you want them to take.  If you really love them, stop being selfish. 
5. Avoidance.  Yes, avoidance.  Avoid that which brings you down, when possible.  That can be certain types of movies (for example, all these movies where one shows their love for another by walking through fire - so to speak - just to be with the one they love.  Come on, that's not reality folks and just sets unrealistic expectations), talking to certain people (even though sometimes that is what you need to do), or even what you ingest (junk food and/or alcohol.  Many people resort to alcohol when they are afraid or lonely, which only makes it worse.  Much better to find other ways to cope).
6. Accept/ask.  Many times we're invited to something but, as we're feeling sorry for ourselves (or depressed) we decline.  Or maybe there are other people we could be asking to get together but we don't, for the same reason.  Push yourself and either accept that invitation or ask those people.  You could be making their day better for it.
7. Make a Plan.  If you know you're going to be alone, make a plan ahead of time so you do not allow yourself to get lonely in the first plan.  Schedule parties, look for the volunteer opportunities.  Do not wait until loneliness hits...then it might be too late to find something.

Yes, this can be the loneliest time of year...if you let it be.  Let's make this time of year the best time of year  - for ourselves and for others!  Focus on more than yourself and try to help others get through this lonely time.  Who knows, our actions just might save a life also.

If you have any suggestions and ideas, please share them!

Be As You Want To Be, Live As You Want To Live

Have you ever said to yourself, "someday I'll lose weight," or maybe "someday I'll travel," or "someday I'll _______"?  Fill in the blank with whatever you've said you'll do 'someday'.

For me, 'someday' was/is I'll lose weight, go dancing, have a clean house, etc etc etc.  Years ago I was thinking these types of things...I wanted to be a nicer, more caring and considerate person...'someday'.  I wanted to get into meditation...'someday'.  I wanted to not be afraid to be who I really am around other people...'someday'.  Heck, I wanted to have a cat enclosure...'someday'. 

I had read plenty of motivational books over the years, and they all talked about how you need to start doing things...take that first step.  And while I understood that intellectualling, it still didn't sink into this brain of mine.  And then one day it really dawned on me.  'someday' will never come - it will always stay in the future.  If I want to be a certain way (i.e. more confident, self-assured, etc) or do something (have that cat enclosure, meditate, etc)...I need to start doing it NOW!!   If I don't start doing it now, someday will never come!  Same with losing weight...if I want to be a healthy weight, it has to start now. 

So I built a cat enclosure.  I'd never used the tools before and had NO idea of how to go about making one.  Part of what I had to do was make a box type thing to set into one small area.  I worked diligently on it.  As soon as I was done with the frame, I stood back to look proudly on what I made...and started laughing instead.  It wobbled horribly!  So, I undid it all and redid it.  This time it worked out (I learned from my previous one on how to do it).

I started meditating.  I have audio tapes that help me with visualization meditations, which are the type that I like best at this point in my life.  When possible, I try to get into nature - spend the day in the yard - as that is a form of meditation for me. I learned how to breath, which has helped me greatly when my anxiety kicks in.

I got a new job I LOVE!!  It was very scary to go for it but I am SO glad I did!  It has positively changed my life so much and in so many ways.  Leaving the 'known' was very difficult for me, however my last job wasn't the life I wanted to live.  I had to carry around a courage talisman with me all the time to help remind me to have the courage to go for it. 

Specially as I age, I want to be healthy.  As I am overweight and out of shape, focusing on this became a priority.  So I started working out and joined Weight Watchers ('someday' I wanted to eat more nutritionally).  This is still in the beginning stages, however I'm already feeling better physically.

I find the main difficulty with being the way I want to be and living the way I want to live is maintaining the attitude. I've been conditioned for so long to be the other way.  Being as I want to be and living as I want to live doesn't happen overnight.  But like any program, I just have to take it a day at a time.

So as if this moment, BE the way you want to be, LIVE the way you want to live.  If you don't do it now, someday will never come.