Life Goes On

Wow, life just keeps getting busier and more interesting as time goes by.  Again, I cannot believe how long it's been since I've been on here.

These last couple of years have been tough with four deaths in less than a year plus some health problems among other things.  My spiritual journey felt like it has been on hold, yet I realize that everything that happened is part of the journey.

Not everything was bad.  Last year we joined a ghost club. One of the first things we did was go to a cemetery (of course) to see what people could pick up.  I was drawn to the other side of the cemetery so I decided to walk over and see why.  As I approached I sensed a little girl was there.  When I got to the headstone and read it I was excited. The headstone is for a 9 year old girl.  As I left I got the sense she didn't want me to leave and that she either couldn't come with me or felt she shouldn't.  On our way out I had pictures taken with her.  At first I didn't see anything in the pictures but then I saw her. In the picture we 'posed together in' you can see a face with a little girl face peering over the shoulder.  Interestingly, in the photo where I'm asking her to come join me she appears remarkably like Casper the Friendly Ghost!!!  She preyed on my mind so much that the next day I Googled her.  I found her obituary which stated she died from an illness following measles.  That explained how I picked up that she didn't think she could join us! While I feel very sad for her, I was excited as for the first time I had proof I actually sense spirits.

My newest challenges have been aging parents.  I've lost my dad to Alzheimer's and now it appears my mom might have Dementia and my stepdad Alzheimer's.  My siblings have been unsupportive up until now, so I've had to do the song and dance all on my own.  Just how do you bring up to your mom you want her tested for dementia?!?!?   Well, I managed and now we're setting up an appointment.  And my stepdad...that will be an interesting (NOT) one.  He has already refused to sign a HIPPA release because the doctor does not need to be talking to anyone about him!  At least we have the wills updated and the power of attorneys completed.  Whew.

Through what I've gone through so far I've learned I really, really, really need to focus on taking care of myself.  Unfortunately part of that is reducing my fun stuff with friends.  I still plan on doing things but it will have to be greatly reduced.  I have been exhausted.  I cannot imagine what my mom is going through.  We talked last night about getting tested for dementia and my stepdad possibly having Alzheimer's and she's scared.  More about my stepdad (she claims).  One thing I've vowed is that I will hide nothing from her.

Now to get the siblings to step forward and help...

Strength from Trials

My life had been a fairly easy one, even though my parents divorced when I was young.  I was fortunate in that my parents worked hard to remain friends.  I have been very grateful to them for that. 

In 1999, it seemed like the ‘powers that be’ took a look at my life and decided I was WAY behind on the trials we all have in life - and they decided to catch me up on them.  For nine years, my life was lived in what I call a ‘black hole’.  Hit after hit came, giving me no time to recover before the next one hit.  During that time I remember reading about how trials make us stronger.  And I vehemently disagreed with that statement.  I felt weaker, not stronger – they were crazy and didn’t know what they were talking about!

I had major anxiety issues from all the stress that was going on in my life.  I had no 'tools' to deal with what was happening.  My mental state...well, while my family has always considered me odd, was now also on shaky ground.  I couldn't take it any more...I had to find a way to deal with this.  I did a lot of researching anxiety.  This introduced me to many tools and resources to help me.  And each thing I learned led me to another one, which eventually led me to my spiritual journey I am currently on.

Three years ago these major events culminated with the death of my eldest nephew.  As sad as I am, I have to be grateful to him - he gave me a last gift in his passing.  It was through that whole ordeal that I recognized that I had become stronger.  The saying was true, we do become stronger through our trials.  I now view it as similar to strengthening our muscles.  We have to be pushed to the point of being a little weaker, in order for the muscles to build and become stronger.

If you’re in a ‘black hole’, believing you’re weaker and will never be strong(er) again, just have faith.  It just takes a little time, but you will come out on the other side stronger. Trust me, I’ve been there. 

Adversity? Stay Optimistic!

I do seem to be in a Dalai Lama/Buddhist frame of mind since this class started.  Of course, with my topic he is one of the individuals that make news happen!  This past week the Dalai Lama had an interactive session with students in Gangtok, Sikkim, India on how to stay optimistic during adversarial times.  His message struck me as information that helps manage anxiety, and I figured it would be good to share.

As some of you may know, the Dalai Lama has faced his share of adversity in his lifetime, starting when he was 16 years old.  He’s lost his country and freedom.  However he managed to keep his mental state calm.  How did he do this?  The Dalai Lama states on his video clip, “when things look difficult, accept that.  When we face a problem, investigate that problem, nature of that problem.  If that problem can work on it through effort, than no need worry.  If that problem no need to work on it, than no use to worry.  Very realistic approach.”

I loved how simplistic his advice is!  It might be stating the obvious; however for those with anxiety issues, it’s not so obvious when in the middle of an anxiety attack.  As the Dalai Lama said, “Try it, in order to keep our emotion mind calm, than no matter what the situation, you can be happy person, and useful for other people.”

Now, I just need to have this advice tattooed on me somewhere I can see it all the time…