Loneliest Time of Year

I read a Facebook Page post today that hit me hard.  It had to do about this time of year being the loneliest time of year (in predominantly Christian areas).  And that is so true.  Not so you say (if you agree with me, keep reading...I'll be addressing that further down)?  Well...

• Suppose your coworker cannot get home for the holidays this year.  Oh, they may have told you they were because they didn't want you to feel sorry for them.  But in reality they are sitting home alone today.  Possibly doing work.  Or heck, they might even go into the office for awhile.
• What about the little child who lost a parent this year?  Even with family around, trying to make up for that loss, do you really believe that kid isn't going to be feeling lonely?
• Or perhaps the homeless person.  They might not have any family to turn to, or maybe because of bridges they've burned don't feel they can go home.
• Nursing homes are full of truly alone people.
• People that are not Christian are excluded from everything, including businesses shutting down, as their belief is not respected by their 'friends' or local businesses. 
• It can be a position you've mentally put yourself in.  Maybe you're dealing with some emotional issues, and especially if you're female hormones can be making those issues even larger than they are.  It doesn't matter...in your head they are just as real as those situations mentioned above.

There are so many other examples, just look around.  Your cheerful "Merry Christmas" can in reality make a person feel even more alone.  In fact, can make them very Scrooge-like (I'm speaking from experience here).

So you're one of the ones that agree with me?  That this can be the loneliest time of year?  I was feeling very sorry for myself when it finally dawned on me (after taking it out badly on someone I deeply love that, for whatever reason, is not sharing the holidays with me  - sorry about that love), that is EXACTLY what I was doing!! 

I was allowing myself to feel sorry for myself.  Say what?  Once I read that posting, I realized how pathetic I was being.  True, in my case new hormonal changes (that I haven't had an opportunity to adjust to yet) were making the situation worse.  But in reality, how bad was the situation really?  I came to the conclusion it doesn't matter 'why' I feel lonely.  Each person's situation is different, some more 'real' than others. 

Now what?  What can I do about it?  I'm alone, right?  Nope, there are a lot of things I can do about it. 

1. An attitude adjustment on my part.  I might be alone, but that doesn't mean I have to feel lonely and sorry for myself.  I have many positives in my life.  As many people have larger obstacles to overcome than I do (and they do a much better job of it than I have been doing), mine is really trivial.  I need to focus on the positives.
2. Focus on taking action.  This year I'm writing this blog (lol).  Next year I plan on preparing activities to keep busy (which I should have done this year, but I won't beat myself up over that now).  Some ideas I have are trying to get ahold of others that will be alone and host a caroling party and go to nursing homes.  Have a sledding party.  Volunteer at a homeless shelter.  Or animal shelter (talk about being alone).  Do you have any homebound neighbors?  Or neighbors not able to get home?  What about someone struggling to make ends meet?  Be a Secret Santa.  Write letters to servicepeople over seas.  Take your pets for a walk and play with them.  Not taking action just makes one feel worse.  And there are tons of things you can do. Which could make for a happier holiday season for someone else that needs it.
3. Take care of yourself.  While this one seems obvious, it's not.  It can be as minor as making sure you drink enough water.  For me, in addition to that, I need to exercise (aerobic as well as strength training), yoga, eat nutritionally, meditate, journal (especially good for writing down your feelings about what you're going through), take any medicine you're supposed to be taking (in my case, my asthma medicine), and take daily vitamin supplements.  You should get the idea by now.  Taking care of yourself does not include sleeping until all hours, letting depression get the best of you.  You want to make sure you get enough sleep, but not too much.
4. Forgiveness/love.  Forgive others for not doing what you want them to do.  Instead, love and accept them just they way they are.  Try not to manipulate them (watch out for doing that subconsciously).  Truly forgive the trespass you imagine they have done.  Remember, they are on their own path, not the one you want them to take.  If you really love them, stop being selfish. 
5. Avoidance.  Yes, avoidance.  Avoid that which brings you down, when possible.  That can be certain types of movies (for example, all these movies where one shows their love for another by walking through fire - so to speak - just to be with the one they love.  Come on, that's not reality folks and just sets unrealistic expectations), talking to certain people (even though sometimes that is what you need to do), or even what you ingest (junk food and/or alcohol.  Many people resort to alcohol when they are afraid or lonely, which only makes it worse.  Much better to find other ways to cope).
6. Accept/ask.  Many times we're invited to something but, as we're feeling sorry for ourselves (or depressed) we decline.  Or maybe there are other people we could be asking to get together but we don't, for the same reason.  Push yourself and either accept that invitation or ask those people.  You could be making their day better for it.
7. Make a Plan.  If you know you're going to be alone, make a plan ahead of time so you do not allow yourself to get lonely in the first plan.  Schedule parties, look for the volunteer opportunities.  Do not wait until loneliness hits...then it might be too late to find something.

Yes, this can be the loneliest time of year...if you let it be.  Let's make this time of year the best time of year  - for ourselves and for others!  Focus on more than yourself and try to help others get through this lonely time.  Who knows, our actions just might save a life also.

If you have any suggestions and ideas, please share them!