Life Goes On

Wow, life just keeps getting busier and more interesting as time goes by.  Again, I cannot believe how long it's been since I've been on here.

These last couple of years have been tough with four deaths in less than a year plus some health problems among other things.  My spiritual journey felt like it has been on hold, yet I realize that everything that happened is part of the journey.

Not everything was bad.  Last year we joined a ghost club. One of the first things we did was go to a cemetery (of course) to see what people could pick up.  I was drawn to the other side of the cemetery so I decided to walk over and see why.  As I approached I sensed a little girl was there.  When I got to the headstone and read it I was excited. The headstone is for a 9 year old girl.  As I left I got the sense she didn't want me to leave and that she either couldn't come with me or felt she shouldn't.  On our way out I had pictures taken with her.  At first I didn't see anything in the pictures but then I saw her. In the picture we 'posed together in' you can see a face with a little girl face peering over the shoulder.  Interestingly, in the photo where I'm asking her to come join me she appears remarkably like Casper the Friendly Ghost!!!  She preyed on my mind so much that the next day I Googled her.  I found her obituary which stated she died from an illness following measles.  That explained how I picked up that she didn't think she could join us! While I feel very sad for her, I was excited as for the first time I had proof I actually sense spirits.

My newest challenges have been aging parents.  I've lost my dad to Alzheimer's and now it appears my mom might have Dementia and my stepdad Alzheimer's.  My siblings have been unsupportive up until now, so I've had to do the song and dance all on my own.  Just how do you bring up to your mom you want her tested for dementia?!?!?   Well, I managed and now we're setting up an appointment.  And my stepdad...that will be an interesting (NOT) one.  He has already refused to sign a HIPPA release because the doctor does not need to be talking to anyone about him!  At least we have the wills updated and the power of attorneys completed.  Whew.

Through what I've gone through so far I've learned I really, really, really need to focus on taking care of myself.  Unfortunately part of that is reducing my fun stuff with friends.  I still plan on doing things but it will have to be greatly reduced.  I have been exhausted.  I cannot imagine what my mom is going through.  We talked last night about getting tested for dementia and my stepdad possibly having Alzheimer's and she's scared.  More about my stepdad (she claims).  One thing I've vowed is that I will hide nothing from her.

Now to get the siblings to step forward and help...

Challenges Lately

My life has been filled with challenges since January.  It started with my getting sick a week before a heavy schedule of classes and the busy season at work starting, followed by my dad not doing well and eventually passing away, plus discovering a high blood pressure problem and hot flashes are back!  I know there were a few other things thrown in by I cannot think of them at the moment.

The high blood pressure brought me back to my senses – well, after initialing adding to my high blood pressure!  I had been barely managing my stress level until the last week before Dad died.  The news that he did not have much time pushed me over.  In fact, the week before he died was harder emotionally than when he died. Weird I know.  I suspect I am not letting it truly set in emotionally.

As I stated, realizing I was having problems with high blood pressure brought me back to my senses on a lot of things.  I had never had a high blood pressure problem like this before, so I knew it was from stress.  Stress that came from MY perspective on the events happening in my life, combined with my being overweight and not exercising.

I need to walk the talk, so to speak.  I am always saying how we need to take care of ourselves, but I have not been doing so.  I was stressing myself out about catching up on my homework, which in reality is not as important as my health.  So I took a lower grade one week to help me get caught up.  I am in ’training’ for walking the Bolder Boulder, which I started this week.  I had joined Weight Watchers, however with the events of the past few weeks had stopped actively participating in it.  Time to get back on track!!  I have a class on Journaling the Healing Self…I guess I should be using that as an opportunity to heal myself!!  I bought a Tai Chi dvd, we’ll see how it goes.

Here’s keeping my fingers crossed and we will see how this goes!

Springtime...I want to make changes!!

Spring is a time of year when I get energized.  I want to do stuff.  I want to make changes in my life. 

This time around I have a couple different things happening.  First, due to hormonal changes, I’m refocusing back on my stress management/spirituality.  The mood swing portion of menopause has finally hit.

Second, I have decided to work on my Plan B’s.  I was recently asked, “What are Plan B’s?”  Plan B’s are other options of what to do in life.  I was in a job where I felt trapped and fear kept me there.  Why was I afraid?  Because I didn’t feel I could leave my job.  Why?

I didn’t have confidence in myself and abilities.  I didn’t have job interview skills and with the stress in my life I felt beaten down.

1. I had no networks to tap into because my job and life events had kept me separated from society. 
2. I had no other options for work.  If I was let go from my job because of demand in that field, it would be difficult to find another job in that field. 
3. I had no savings built up.  When things at work got so bad I would have liked to walk off (which I do NOT like to do and have never done), I couldn’t because I had no money to support myself.

So Plan B’s are saving enough money to support myself, having other career options, and having a social network to tap into for networking.  Since I started at my new job (which I love and I still don’t know how I got it – and am eternally grateful I did), I have been enjoying it and not really focusing on Plan B’s.  However, even without focusing on it I have completed my Bachelor’s degree (YEA!!!  It only took me 28 years).  I now need to focus on implementing things in that field. 

 So what am I going to do now?

1)      Along with having a job I love, which is giving me opportunities to grow, earning my Bachelor’s degree has given me a confidence in myself that I didn’t have before.  Professors have been highly encouraging me to go for a Master’s and Ph.D.  I have decided to pursue my Master’s in Gerontology and I am contemplating the PhD.

2)       I am refocusing on stress management techniques to help manage the stress.

3)      I need to network.  I hate this one as it seems so contrived.  I like to meet people for the sake of meeting people, not for ulterior motives.  So I’m just going to have to get involved with activities I want to be involved with, and whoever I meet, I meet.

4)      I am working on other options.  With my Bachelor’s now earned, I have that field open to me.  As it is Journalism with an emphasis in PR, I am going to start doing freelancing work.  I would like to see if I can write magazine articles.  Writing this blog will give me hands-on writing experience.  Along with this, I am working on a Management/Marketing certificate/degree from the community college, as well as taking a class a semester at the university – hopefully for the Master’s program.

5)      I will be following a budget, making sure to put money aside each month.  I need to set mini-goals.

6)      Coworkers suggested I contract myself for various jobs involving the computer, such as PowerPoint presentations, formatting of documents, editing, etc.  I will be making up business cards to give out.

 There are plenty of others things I need to be doing, but I have to be careful as I tend to get so excited I take on too much at once.  Let’s see how this goes!

Loneliest Time of Year

I read a Facebook Page post today that hit me hard.  It had to do about this time of year being the loneliest time of year (in predominantly Christian areas).  And that is so true.  Not so you say (if you agree with me, keep reading...I'll be addressing that further down)?  Well...

• Suppose your coworker cannot get home for the holidays this year.  Oh, they may have told you they were because they didn't want you to feel sorry for them.  But in reality they are sitting home alone today.  Possibly doing work.  Or heck, they might even go into the office for awhile.
• What about the little child who lost a parent this year?  Even with family around, trying to make up for that loss, do you really believe that kid isn't going to be feeling lonely?
• Or perhaps the homeless person.  They might not have any family to turn to, or maybe because of bridges they've burned don't feel they can go home.
• Nursing homes are full of truly alone people.
• People that are not Christian are excluded from everything, including businesses shutting down, as their belief is not respected by their 'friends' or local businesses. 
• It can be a position you've mentally put yourself in.  Maybe you're dealing with some emotional issues, and especially if you're female hormones can be making those issues even larger than they are.  It doesn't matter...in your head they are just as real as those situations mentioned above.

There are so many other examples, just look around.  Your cheerful "Merry Christmas" can in reality make a person feel even more alone.  In fact, can make them very Scrooge-like (I'm speaking from experience here).

So you're one of the ones that agree with me?  That this can be the loneliest time of year?  I was feeling very sorry for myself when it finally dawned on me (after taking it out badly on someone I deeply love that, for whatever reason, is not sharing the holidays with me  - sorry about that love), that is EXACTLY what I was doing!! 

I was allowing myself to feel sorry for myself.  Say what?  Once I read that posting, I realized how pathetic I was being.  True, in my case new hormonal changes (that I haven't had an opportunity to adjust to yet) were making the situation worse.  But in reality, how bad was the situation really?  I came to the conclusion it doesn't matter 'why' I feel lonely.  Each person's situation is different, some more 'real' than others. 

Now what?  What can I do about it?  I'm alone, right?  Nope, there are a lot of things I can do about it. 

1. An attitude adjustment on my part.  I might be alone, but that doesn't mean I have to feel lonely and sorry for myself.  I have many positives in my life.  As many people have larger obstacles to overcome than I do (and they do a much better job of it than I have been doing), mine is really trivial.  I need to focus on the positives.
2. Focus on taking action.  This year I'm writing this blog (lol).  Next year I plan on preparing activities to keep busy (which I should have done this year, but I won't beat myself up over that now).  Some ideas I have are trying to get ahold of others that will be alone and host a caroling party and go to nursing homes.  Have a sledding party.  Volunteer at a homeless shelter.  Or animal shelter (talk about being alone).  Do you have any homebound neighbors?  Or neighbors not able to get home?  What about someone struggling to make ends meet?  Be a Secret Santa.  Write letters to servicepeople over seas.  Take your pets for a walk and play with them.  Not taking action just makes one feel worse.  And there are tons of things you can do. Which could make for a happier holiday season for someone else that needs it.
3. Take care of yourself.  While this one seems obvious, it's not.  It can be as minor as making sure you drink enough water.  For me, in addition to that, I need to exercise (aerobic as well as strength training), yoga, eat nutritionally, meditate, journal (especially good for writing down your feelings about what you're going through), take any medicine you're supposed to be taking (in my case, my asthma medicine), and take daily vitamin supplements.  You should get the idea by now.  Taking care of yourself does not include sleeping until all hours, letting depression get the best of you.  You want to make sure you get enough sleep, but not too much.
4. Forgiveness/love.  Forgive others for not doing what you want them to do.  Instead, love and accept them just they way they are.  Try not to manipulate them (watch out for doing that subconsciously).  Truly forgive the trespass you imagine they have done.  Remember, they are on their own path, not the one you want them to take.  If you really love them, stop being selfish. 
5. Avoidance.  Yes, avoidance.  Avoid that which brings you down, when possible.  That can be certain types of movies (for example, all these movies where one shows their love for another by walking through fire - so to speak - just to be with the one they love.  Come on, that's not reality folks and just sets unrealistic expectations), talking to certain people (even though sometimes that is what you need to do), or even what you ingest (junk food and/or alcohol.  Many people resort to alcohol when they are afraid or lonely, which only makes it worse.  Much better to find other ways to cope).
6. Accept/ask.  Many times we're invited to something but, as we're feeling sorry for ourselves (or depressed) we decline.  Or maybe there are other people we could be asking to get together but we don't, for the same reason.  Push yourself and either accept that invitation or ask those people.  You could be making their day better for it.
7. Make a Plan.  If you know you're going to be alone, make a plan ahead of time so you do not allow yourself to get lonely in the first plan.  Schedule parties, look for the volunteer opportunities.  Do not wait until loneliness hits...then it might be too late to find something.

Yes, this can be the loneliest time of year...if you let it be.  Let's make this time of year the best time of year  - for ourselves and for others!  Focus on more than yourself and try to help others get through this lonely time.  Who knows, our actions just might save a life also.

If you have any suggestions and ideas, please share them!

Let There Be Peace On Earth

This is the time of year many people around the world become aware they should be treating others well.  Why does it require a religious holiday to be considerate and giving to others?  That homeless person is there year round.  Children are hungry all the time.  The elderly are being forgotten and neglected throughout their final years.  It shouldn't matter where people live. 

People tend to forget we are ALL brothers and sisters, no matter what country we are from.  God does not care where his children live...all are his children.  I have heard people say they will only help those 'at home'.  While I can appreciate this sentiment, many in other countries need it more than those 'at home'.  What is considered poverty, in America for example, is considered rich in another country.  Let us not focus on taking care of just those near us.  Let us focus on taking care of those that need it the most, no matter where they live.

I heard this song on the radio and just had to go find it to post on my Facebook page.  I found this version, sung by Vince Gill, that was put together with quotes showing on the screen.  It reflects my beliefs perfectly and inspired me to write about it here.  Now if we can all just keep this in mind all year long, we might actually have peace on earth.   

Let There Be Peace On Earth, sung by Vince Gill

Have a very merry holiday season, if you are celebrating a holiday at this time of year.  And if you're not, have a very merry winter/summer (depending on where you are). 

Love and Peace to you All!

Sidetracked Again

Once again I've allowed life to sidetrack me from my journey.  But then again, was I really sidetracked?  All experiences are lessons on our spiritual path.  They just may not be that obvious.  And really, getting sidetracked is, in itself, a lesson. 

I've been having a lot of fun since I last posted.  My social life has become very, very busy!  So busy, I've forgotten to consciously work on my spirituality.  I did try getting on here one day, but my mind went blank.  Which is one reason I'm rambling right now.  I'm just trying to get back in the swing of things.  One of the best ways to beat writer's block is to just start writing, whatever it may be.

I've been fortunate in the fact that love has come into my life.  Funny, I always had love in my life so why do we state it that way when 'romantic' love comes into our life?  Even without 'romantic' love, we have love in our life (at least, if we want it).  There's the love from our friends and family.  And in my case, of my pets.  There's nature's love.  Yes, nature loves us even while we treat it badly.  And whatever your spiritual belief, that spiritual belief loves us. 

Anyway, I allowed the entrance of this romantic love to sidetrack me (pleasantly, I must add).  And it's given me lessons on my spiritual path. 

• First, I'm learning I need to stay focused on my spiritual path, as well as my other activities  - stay true to who I am and want to be. 
• Second, I'm learning that we all bring baggage into a relationship and that I need to be careful about the baggage I bring in.  I have insecurities about trusting someone can love me for who I am.  This wonderful guy has been helping me learn that someone CAN love me for who I am. 
• Third, I've been given an opportunity to put into practice my beliefs.  They haven't really been tested much since I started on this journey.  There are some unusual circumstances around this relationship and I've been given the opportunity to accept how things can be different from what our normal expectations are.

I'm going to make a more conscious effort to stay true to my spiritual path.  Make sure I take time each day to work on it.  Yes, as usual I've been lax on many things, including the all-important meditation (not to mention I haven't been taking care of the physical body either).  So we'll see how well I do until next time.

Peace and love to all of you.  For those of you who have religious holidays around this time, happy _________ (whatever fits your religion)!

Truth

I went for a walk today.  I gazed up at the wonderous sky with the white clouds dancing in the beautiful blue sky.  I felt the warmth of the glowing sun upon my skin, the air caressing my skin as the wind brushed negative energies away, smelled the sweet scent of grass, heard the rustling of the leaves and the chirping of the birds.  I put my hand on the trunk of a tree and felt its beating heart, and was excited when my palm was kissed by a pine tree.  I felt such love as I have ever known.  And I realized…this is truth.