Sunday, December 25, 2011

Loneliest Time of Year

I read a Facebook Page post today that hit me hard.  It had to do about this time of year being the loneliest time of year (in predominantly Christian areas).  And that is so true.  Not so you say (if you agree with me, keep reading...I'll be addressing that further down)?  Well...
  • Suppose your coworker cannot get home for the holidays this year.  Oh, they may have told you they were because they didn't want you to feel sorry for them.  But in reality they are sitting home alone today.  Possibly doing work.  Or heck, they might even go into the office for awhile.
  • What about the little child who lost a parent this year?  Even with family around, trying to make up for that loss, do you really believe that kid isn't going to be feeling lonely?
  • Or perhaps the homeless person.  They might not have any family to turn to, or maybe because of bridges they've burned don't feel they can go home.
  • Nursing homes are full of truly alone people.
  • People that are not Christian are excluded from everything, including businesses shutting down, as their belief is not respected by their 'friends' or local businesses. 
  • It can be a position you've mentally put yourself in.  Maybe you're dealing with some emotional issues, and especially if you're female hormones can be making those issues even larger than they are.  It doesn't matter...in your head they are just as real as those situations mentioned above.
There are so many other examples, just look around.  Your cheerful "Merry Christmas" can in reality make a person feel even more alone.  In fact, can make them very Scrooge-like (I'm speaking from experience here).

So you're one of the ones that agree with me?  That this can be the loneliest time of year?  I was feeling very sorry for myself when it finally dawned on me (after taking it out badly on someone I deeply love that, for whatever reason, is not sharing the holidays with me  - sorry about that love), that is EXACTLY what I was doing!! 

I was allowing myself to feel sorry for myself.  Say what?  Once I read that posting, I realized how pathetic I was being.  True, in my case new hormonal changes (that I haven't had an opportunity to adjust to yet) were making the situation worse.  But in reality, how bad was the situation really?  I came to the conclusion it doesn't matter 'why' I feel lonely.  Each person's situation is different, some more 'real' than others. 

Now what?  What can I do about it?  I'm alone, right?  Nope, there are a lot of things I can do about it. 
  1. An attitude adjustment on my part.  I might be alone, but that doesn't mean I have to feel lonely and sorry for myself.  I have many positives in my life.  As many people have larger obstacles to overcome than I do (and they do a much better job of it than I have been doing), mine is really trivial.  I need to focus on the positives.
  2. Focus on taking action.  This year I'm writing this blog (lol).  Next year I plan on preparing activities to keep busy (which I should have done this year, but I won't beat myself up over that now).  Some ideas I have are trying to get ahold of others that will be alone and host a caroling party and go to nursing homes.  Have a sledding party.  Volunteer at a homeless shelter.  Or animal shelter (talk about being alone).  Do you have any homebound neighbors?  Or neighbors not able to get home?  What about someone struggling to make ends meet?  Be a Secret Santa.  Write letters to servicepeople over seas.  Take your pets for a walk and play with them.  Not taking action just makes one feel worse.  And there are tons of things you can do. Which could make for a happier holiday season for someone else that needs it.
  3. Take care of yourself.  While this one seems obvious, it's not.  It can be as minor as making sure you drink enough water.  For me, in addition to that, I need to exercise (aerobic as well as strength training), yoga, eat nutritionally, meditate, journal (especially good for writing down your feelings about what you're going through), take any medicine you're supposed to be taking (in my case, my asthma medicine), and take daily vitamin supplements.  You should get the idea by now.  Taking care of yourself does not include sleeping until all hours, letting depression get the best of you.  You want to make sure you get enough sleep, but not too much.
  4. Forgiveness/love.  Forgive others for not doing what you want them to do.  Instead, love and accept them just they way they are.  Try not to manipulate them (watch out for doing that subconsciously).  Truly forgive the trespass you imagine they have done.  Remember, they are on their own path, not the one you want them to take.  If you really love them, stop being selfish. 
  5. Avoidance.  Yes, avoidance.  Avoid that which brings you down, when possible.  That can be certain types of movies (for example, all these movies where one shows their love for another by walking through fire - so to speak - just to be with the one they love.  Come on, that's not reality folks and just sets unrealistic expectations), talking to certain people (even though sometimes that is what you need to do), or even what you ingest (junk food and/or alcohol.  Many people resort to alcohol when they are afraid or lonely, which only makes it worse.  Much better to find other ways to cope).
  6. Accept/ask.  Many times we're invited to something but, as we're feeling sorry for ourselves (or depressed) we decline.  Or maybe there are other people we could be asking to get together but we don't, for the same reason.  Push yourself and either accept that invitation or ask those people.  You could be making their day better for it.
  7. Make a Plan.  If you know you're going to be alone, make a plan ahead of time so you do not allow yourself to get lonely in the first plan.  Schedule parties, look for the volunteer opportunities.  Do not wait until loneliness hits...then it might be too late to find something.
Yes, this can be the loneliest time of year...if you let it be.  Let's make this time of year the best time of year  - for ourselves and for others!  Focus on more than yourself and try to help others get through this lonely time.  Who knows, our actions just might save a life also.

If you have any suggestions and ideas, please share them!

Friday, December 23, 2011

Let There Be Peace On Earth

This is the time of year many people around the world become aware they should be treating others well.  Why does it require a religious holiday to be considerate and giving to others?  That homeless person is there year round.  Children are hungry all the time.  The elderly are being forgotten and neglected throughout their final years.  It shouldn't matter where people live. 

People tend to forget we are ALL brothers and sisters, no matter what country we are from.  God does not care where his children live...all are his children.  I have heard people say they will only help those 'at home'.  While I can appreciate this sentiment, many in other countries need it more than those 'at home'.  What is considered poverty, in America for example, is considered rich in another country.  Let us not focus on taking care of just those near us.  Let us focus on taking care of those that need it the most, no matter where they live.

I heard this song on the radio and just had to go find it to post on my Facebook page.  I found this version, sung by Vince Gill, that was put together with quotes showing on the screen.  It reflects my beliefs perfectly and inspired me to write about it here.  Now if we can all just keep this in mind all year long, we might actually have peace on earth.   

Let There Be Peace On Earth, sung by Vince Gill

Have a very merry holiday season, if you are celebrating a holiday at this time of year.  And if you're not, have a very merry winter/summer (depending on where you are). 

Love and Peace to you All!

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Sidetracked Again

Once again I've allowed life to sidetrack me from my journey.  But then again, was I really sidetracked?  All experiences are lessons on our spiritual path.  They just may not be that obvious.  And really, getting sidetracked is, in itself, a lesson. 

I've been having a lot of fun since I last posted.  My social life has become very, very busy!  So busy, I've forgotten to consciously work on my spirituality.  I did try getting on here one day, but my mind went blank.  Which is one reason I'm rambling right now.  I'm just trying to get back in the swing of things.  One of the best ways to beat writer's block is to just start writing, whatever it may be.

I've been fortunate in the fact that love has come into my life.  Funny, I always had love in my life so why do we state it that way when 'romantic' love comes into our life?  Even without 'romantic' love, we have love in our life (at least, if we want it).  There's the love from our friends and family.  And in my case, of my pets.  There's nature's love.  Yes, nature loves us even while we treat it badly.  And whatever your spiritual belief, that spiritual belief loves us. 

Anyway, I allowed the entrance of this romantic love to sidetrack me (pleasantly, I must add).  And it's given me lessons on my spiritual path. 
  • First, I'm learning I need to stay focused on my spiritual path, as well as my other activities  - stay true to who I am and want to be. 
  • Second, I'm learning that we all bring baggage into a relationship and that I need to be careful about the baggage I bring in.  I have insecurities about trusting someone can love me for who I am.  This wonderful guy has been helping me learn that someone CAN love me for who I am. 
  • Third, I've been given an opportunity to put into practice my beliefs.  They haven't really been tested much since I started on this journey.  There are some unusual circumstances around this relationship and I've been given the opportunity to accept how things can be different from what our normal expectations are.
I'm going to make a more conscious effort to stay true to my spiritual path.  Make sure I take time each day to work on it.  Yes, as usual I've been lax on many things, including the all-important meditation (not to mention I haven't been taking care of the physical body either).  So we'll see how well I do until next time.

Peace and love to all of you.  For those of you who have religious holidays around this time, happy _________ (whatever fits your religion)!